Your therapist in Sugar Land explains when passive aggressiveness become manipulative and how to recognize it

Passive aggression is a way of expressing negative feelings like anger and annoyance, indirectly instead of directly. Sometimes these behaviors are hard to identify, but they can sabotage personal and professional relationships.

If a person is passive aggressive, it usually means they have deep anger, hostility or frustration that for whatever reason, they are not comfortable directly expressing. If you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive person in your life, it’s important to understand that beneath the snide remarks and attitude is usually unhappiness and/or sadness.

Your therapist in Sugar Land explains how to tell if someone is being passive aggressive

Sometimes seeing and understanding passive-aggressive behavior can be difficult to do, but experts agree that the most common signs are refusing to discuss concerns openly and directly and avoiding responsibility.

A passive aggressive person will hide their anger instead of expressing it and can take the form of words (blaming others or making excuses) or actions (the silent treatment). Other subtle passive-aggressive moves are decreased eye contact, persistent forgetting and ignoring someone in a group conversation.

Whatever the reason behind the behaviors, there are always ways to deal with them once you understand what is happening. 

The following can be passive aggressive behaviors:

• Sarcasm

• Procrastination

• Subtle sabotage

• Pretending not to understand

• Avoidance

• Flakiness

• Backhanded compliments

• Not including others

• Eye rolling

• Sulking or withdrawing

In relationships, stonewalling is linked to passive aggressiveness when one partner shuts down or withdraws and stops responding, essentially turning into a stone wall. It can include passive aggressive avoidance behaviors like pretending to be busy with work when a partner wants to have a serious talk or meeting. Men are less likely to get physiologically aroused when a partner stonewalls them and women are more likely to experience an increased heart rate.

Your therapist in Sugar Land discusses, why are people passive aggressive?

We all learn traits, good and bad, from our childhood and parents/guardians who raised us. On the bright side, we all probably learned wonderful qualities that were effectively passed on like kindness, humor, empathy, and love. 

But other unintentional things are also sometimes learned and are carried with us through adulthood. For example, if a parent shuts down a child’s emotions, they may learn covert or passive ways to express it. Or if a parent uses the silent treatment or deny’s a child’s anger, the child may also adopt this same technique.

However, sometimes passive aggressive behaviors stem from an individual not having the skills to have open, meaningful conversations. They may be overwhelmed by direct conflict and look for indirect forms of expression.

Your therapist in Sugar Land explains when passive aggression leads to manipulation

A person who continuously avoids conflict is most likely a little passive aggressive. It is a way to mask their hostility and anger, however anger is usually projected and can be confusing to the recipient. 

On the surface the person may seem nice, but their intentions, attitude or behaviors are fueled by hostility. 

Most people encounter passive aggressive people on a weekly or daily basis and it can sometimes feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster when you’re dealing with them. They don’t overtly act angry or upset, but their passive ways project it through things like eye rolls, not returning your calls or avoiding you.

If you are the recipient, you know how frustrating and energy sucking it can be! 

A passive aggressive person can also continually get other people to do things for them by manipulative behaviors. You see, their passive aggressive behaviors can be emotional manipulation to get their way without having to express their real intentions and feelings.

In healthy relationships people strive to respect boundaries and take time to listen, encourage and support each other's feelings. Manipulative people usually will ignore boundaries and engage in unhealthy ways to influence others. When they manipulate, interactions are always from their perspective and you may find yourself answering unwelcomed questions and carrying out unwanted requests.

Passive aggression and manipulation can make someone feel powerful. Usually those who are passive aggressive may not respect the person they are speaking to or just enjoy the power of manipulating someone.

If you feel you are dealing with someone who is passive aggressive in your life, ask yourself these questions…

• Am I being treated with respect?

• Is a different reality being projected on my life without my consent?

• Are their questions and demands reasonable?

• Do I feel good about myself when in a relationship with this person?

• Do I suspect or recognize toxic behaviors?

We are all humans who deserve love, respect and communication. When you don’t have this, it may be time to cut the strings. 

For help understanding and pinpointing passive-aggressive or manipulating behaviors in your life, call us today. Therapy can help you sort through your concerns, regrets, and mental health goals in all aspects of your life– personal and professional.